Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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