is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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