I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
