If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
