i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
