my vag is so smooth its legendary
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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