Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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