ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
