You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
