Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
