Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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