If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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