birth control should be required to get into college
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Text me some of your sweat
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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