No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
