Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
