he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is Oprah even human
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
