I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
