i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
