God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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