We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
