So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
