I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
