she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
