I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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