Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
