I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
