did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
