Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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