just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
