I have demons in me.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
