when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
