the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
