Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
