bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
