Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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