i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
