kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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