I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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