I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
