Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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