I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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