I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
