Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Define "chronic" masturbator.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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