VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
