Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
3pm strippers are depressing
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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