I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
