well you can't waste a boner
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
