I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
