I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
