I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
