he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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