I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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