Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
